Surviving

Day 8

I used to advise my broken hearted friends that it is okay to cry as long as they want. They should just enjoy the pain because it will eventually go away. Nobody dies of a broken heart unless one is mentally ill or psychologically imbalance. That everything is just a phase that they have to experience.

How easy those words to say when you are not on the said situation. I am telling myself that same advise but what I really want to do is wallow in this pain I am feeling and hope that you will later realize that you made a mistake for letting me go that easy.

This morning during the mass, I prayed to have you back in my life.  Yes, I asked Him that Thy will be done but deepest in me pleaded to Him to please please let me be truly happy and that is to be with you again.

How pathetic. I am so pathetic. I have become one of those many women who try to find happiness in other people, in my case, in you.

This is all wrong.

I don’t want to feel this feeling again. I had been through this for the third time. I used to tell myself that I will never allow myself to feel this way again because it is so painful that I feel couldn’t be happy ever again. I felt I was jaded already.

But here I go again as if didn’t learn my lesson before.

Why is it so easy to fall in love and yet it is so hard to let go and move on? Being in love is such a wonderful feeling that I can’t blame myself why I chose to be gullible and took the risk.

What do other women have that I don’t because I honestly believe that I can be a very good wife and partner to a man, if he will only allow me and love me. There must be something wrong with me! I know many will tell me that it is not my fault that you didn’t see my worth. But heck!!!! Then why? Then what is wrong!???

There are lucid moments that I am certain that I am getting there. I am getting over you but I have to admit that I am stalling. Because I don’t want to forget the feeling of being in love. Somehow I don’t want to be jaded.

But really… I still want you back.