It Sucks to pretend!

I used to think that play pretend is only for children. I guess I am wrong… So wrong.

I have been pretending to be okay, to be happy, and to be contented for over a year now.

More than a year had past and I am still hurting. A year had past and I am still aching for him. One year and still I am wishing he will come back to me. A year after and I am still broken. One year now that I am pretending as though he never existed and didn’t leave scars that won’t be erased. Over a year that he didn’t miss crossing my mind, gripping my chest, it wants to explode to tiniest bits.

How does one moves on? God! I have been trying! I have been talking to myself everyday. I even cry every night, hoping that when the tears gone dry, this aching feeling will finally go away. But each waking morning, I still feel this lonely pathetic feeling.

Each day, I have to pretend I am okay. If only I am still just a kid, play pretend is just a game that I enjoy… But shucks! I am a grown up woman now who has a daughter, whom I love. I have to pretend that all I want and need is her. That I am not longing for that Player who broke my heart.

Maybe I just have to accept the reality that I will never be completely happy… I will be pretending all my life. My pathetic life. Argh! Reality sucks!

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